Sunday, October 27, 2013

Baby girl had a busy week (therefore baby girl's mama had a busy week).  Baby girl's daddy was working nights, so I got to take Aubrey to PT/OT on Wednesday and to the pediatrician on Friday.  She did fine at therapy, and they want her to work on shifting her weight from foot to foot while she's standing so she will get used to that feeling.  They also want us to work on her being able to grasp things with just her "pinching" fingers instead of raking the object up with her entire hand.  Yesterday Aubrey stood straight up in the middle of the floor completely unassisted.  She did it again today.  They asked me at therapy if she had been "cruising" around the furniture--holding on and walking--and she hadn't; I saw her do it on the fireplace today.  Movin' on up!

Worn out after therapy

 We took Aubrey to visit her first pumpkin patch on Thursday.  She wasn't overly impressed.  She liked to smack the pumpkins to hear the noise and she wanted to touch the big blow-up jack-o-lanterns.  And we got some cute pictures, so really it was worth it.

Her doctor's appointment went well.  She weighs 14lb 6oz and is 27.5 inches long.  Still not on the charts when it comes to weight, but in the 5th percentile in height (they're measuring that as if she's an actual one year old; if they were measuring her as a 9 month old, she'd be in the 50 something percentile for height).  She got her one year vaccinations and her flu shot booster (no reaction this time, thankfully).  The doctor thought she looked great and was surprised at how well she's doing (I don't know why she was surprised!).  She did want to check her hemoglobin just to make sure it was ok (she said sometimes preemies have issues with that), so they stuck her toe to get some blood.  Well, the first stick wouldn't bleed, so they had to stick her again; that one wouldn't stop bleeding.  Aubrey was a trooper through it all and her hemoglobin checked out fine.  The doctor is going to order another swallow test so we can see if she'll be ready to use a cup and drink regular milk in a few months.

Today we went to a special party.  Every year the NICU we were in for over 3 months has a "baby come back" party--they invite all the "graduates" from the NICU to come back to see the nurses, doctors, and other families they were there with.  It was so good to see those special people that took such good care of Aubrey (and us), and to see how much the other babies we were there with have grown.  Aubrey's still a might-mini compared to most of the other babies, but it was heartwarming to see them doing so well. 

Of course seeing all those people made you remember everything about being in the NICU, good and bad.  One of our favorite nurses held Aubrey and told us about a moment she would never forget with us: the week back in December when I was sick and couldn't go into the unit to see Aubrey was awful.  She was the one taking care of her the day Aubrey was to be moved to another room, and she told Adam to bring me up there and she would let me see her.  So she let Adam carry Aubrey to the back of the unit where the sliding glass doors were, and she carried the oxygen tank and kept the tubes up to Aubrey's face.  She said she would always remember me standing on the other side of the doors, tears streaming down my face as I got to see my baby for a minute.  This, of course, made me cry today, but that's ok.  It's a moment I won't ever forget either, and I'm just thankful that the people that work there are awesome enough to take care of us parents so well too.

This is what happens when I try to take pictures these days.

This one turned out pretty cute.

-Keli

The party of the year...

...well, at least OUR year, anyway.  We had Aubrey's birthday party at our house Saturday night, and after 2 days of preparing food and decorating I stood outside under the sprinkling rain and prayed for it to stop!  Thankfully it did, because the almost 50 people that came fit much better outside on our deck and in our yard than they would have in the house.  I wish I could have invited everyone that has prayed for us over the past year, but I don't think our 3 acres would have held them all!

Ready for her party!

I think Aubrey was a little overwhelmed at all the people that appeared on her deck, and she got a little fussy as it got closer to her bedtime (I can't complain because I do that too), but she was a trooper.  I got the birthday cake from a certain grocery store, and when you buy a cake for a first birthday they give you a "smash" cake for the baby to play in for free.  We put the cake down in front of Aubrey and she promptly slapped it with her right hand...and then she decided that was gross.  She snatched that hand back like the cake was hot and looked at me like, "ew!  get it off!"  I pinched a bite of cake off for her to taste, and, true to form, she gagged and spit up after she got it in her mouth.  *sigh*  At least she's consistent. :)  She got lots of wonderful gifts of books--we've already started reading them and will read them for years to come, I'm sure.

Why are these crazy people singing??

Thank you to everyone who came to the party, who wished her a happy birthday in person or through a phone call or email or online.  She is so loved, and therefore very blessed.

Now here are some cute pictures. (Photo credits to my dad--Adam and I were too busy to take any!)

Ew!  I don't like this!

After puking cake up on Adam's hand...there was some washing to do.

Everyone else enjoyed the cake. :)

Beautiful girl.

 -Keli

Happy birthday, Aubrey.

At midnight exactly one year ago, I was lying in a hospital bed, rubbing my hand across my small bump of a belly, my "baby protrusion," as Adam so eloquently called it, listening to the swish-swish of a tiny heart beating, sweating from the magnesium sulfate they'd given me to stop contractions, and praying.  These were not the prayers of the person for whom everything is hunky-dory; these were the desperate, pleading, clipped, pieces of prayers that only God understood...prayers of the terrified.  These were the prayers of a mother for her child, a mother who hadn't even really gotten to be a mother yet, hadn't held her baby, hadn't seen her sweet turned up nose, hadn't smelled her baby smell.  I was scared, the worst kind of scared a parent can be, wondering if her child is going to live or die, already blaming herself should the child die, but trying her hardest not to even let her mind go in that direction.

The prayers began as, "God just let me stay pregnant.  Let the baby stay put, even if it's for just another month.  I promise I won't complain about being on bedrest.  I'll lie day in and day out with my head at the floor and my feet in the air if it will help her."  They continued on to be, "Please, God, just let me stay pregnant, even if it's for just another week or two.  I won't complain about being in the hospital that long.  She needs more time."

Around 3:15 or 3:30a.m., when my water broke, the prayers broke down into their basest form: "My baby. Don't let her die."  Repeat, repeat, repeat.

There is no doubt, after Aubrey's 122 days in two different NICUs, that God hears our prayers and answers them.  Sometimes He doesn't give us the answer we want, but sometimes He does...usually though, He gives us the answer that we didn't even know was possible.  Did He let me stay pregnant? No.  Did He give Aubrey even another week, another day with me before being thrust into the world? Nope.  But He gave us a team of doctors and nurses who knew what was best for her, how to care for her tiny, fragile body; they loved her like extra sets of parents, and they loved us like family.

You might remember the blog I wrote before Christmas last year titled "Miracle."  I explained some of the things preemies go through while in the hospital and some of the survival statistics.  The word "miracle" is used too lightly and too often in my opinion, about everything from "our team won the game, it's a miracle," to "it's a miracle my car started this morning."  Those aren't miracles.  A miracle is when something that just isn't supposed to be, something that the odds are completely and totally against happens, and only with divine intervention.  It leaves us awed and baffled.

 Aubrey's still a miracle, just in case you were wondering.  She is one of the 30-40% of babies born at 24 weeks gestation that survive.  She is developing as if she were born at full-term, or 40 weeks gestation; she is right where she should be for her adjusted age.  She's crawling, eating solids, has teeth, standing on her own, babbling, etc.  Every time she goes to physical and occupational therapy they are amazed that she was a 24 weeker because she hasn't fallen behind in any of her development.

I know every parent thinks their child is amazing, but Aubrey continues to show us how strong and feisty she is.  She has a sweet spirit, a super sense of humor, and goes 90 to nothing until she's exhausted.  There is nothing better in this world than seeing her wake up, a broad smile on her face, and reach her arms out for me to pick her up.  A piece of heaven on earth.  Our miracle child.

Happy first birthday, sugar baby.

-Keli

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

This week is making me think a whole lot of "this time last year..." thoughts.  This time last year, I barely had a speed bump of a belly that you could only see if I showed it off.  This time last year, I was reveling in the kickboxing that was going on in that little belly.  This time last year, Adam and I had only known for 3 weeks that our little one was a girl; we were still bandying baby names about and physically I felt amazing.  Things were just about as perfect as they could be.  So that was the point in the movie when the music usually takes a dark turn and everything is just too good and you know that something bad is about to happen...

Aubrey's sweet profile, 9/25/12

Sorry to be morose.  I wonder if this time of year will always be tough from now on.  I'm cutting myself some slack since it's not even a year since this crazy preemie-baby-journey began.  Just like the rest of the year, I'm going to take it one day at a time.

my speed bump, Wednesday, October 17, 2012, 3 days before Aubrey was born

-Keli

Friday, October 11, 2013

Aubrey is pulling up on things more and more...see example below.  She pulled up on the coffee table and immediately reached for my laptop.  Must've needed to check her email.

She did well at therapy again on Wednesday.  They told us just to keep on keeping on with what we're doing at home, so I guess we're doing ok.

Talking to her buddy Murphy through the screen door.

 

 

She had an appointment today with the surgeon that did her eye surgery when she was still in the NICU.  We hadn't been in 6 months, so I was a bit worried about what would happen.  Last time, they had to swaddle her to hold her down so they could pry her eyes open with those metal tongs.  It was traumatizing to all of us.  I was wondering what army they had that could hold her down this time.  Thankfully, it didn't come to that.  It was, however, still painful but in a different way.

Our appointment was at 9:40a.m.  At 10:50 we saw the doctor who then decided Aubrey needed to have her eyes dilated.  That takes 45 minutes.  So, they put eye drops in and we had to wait almost another hour to be seen again.  Aubrey was SO good.  She played with the toys I took, she helped me eat a banana, she took a nap, and finally I found an empty corner of the cafeteria where I could put her down for a little bit to crawl (I washed her afterwards, don't worry).

So after all of that, the doctor declared her eyes perfect.  She doesn't need glasses, she tracks things and has great alignment, even with her eyes dilated.  We don't have to go back for a year.  Yay.

Rather proud of herself after pulling up on the moving glider footstool.

We're looking forward to Aubrey's birthday party next weekend.  Maybe it will keep my mind off of all the things that happened that night/day...but I doubt it.  I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it when every time I stop and think about the night she was born I start to have a little bit of a panic attack.  How can one day be the most terrifying and the most beautiful of your life?  I still find it all rather unbelievable.  *Deep breaths.  Look at that precious baby you love who loves you back.  Experience the emotions and realize that you'll probably feel them on each and every birthday, at least for a few years.  You don't have to completely hold it together, but just thank the Lord that all those fears are now memories.*

-Keli

Saturday, October 5, 2013

We've had a rather uneventful week (thankfully) since the flu shot debacle of last week.  The doctor's office did call and say that Aubrey qualified for one Synagis shot, but she had to get it before her first birthday.  Synagis is an injection of antibodies that boosts the immune system to try and keep the baby from getting RSV (a respiratory virus that can be bad for preemies and babies with bad lungs).  She got 3 doses of it last winter when we came home from the hospital. So, we had to make another trip to the pediatrician's office for her to get that shot; she didn't have a reaction to this one.  She won't qualify for insurance to pay for another dose (they'll only pay for it up until the 24 weeker hits 12 months old), so if respiratory sicknesses get bad this winter we might have to do some staying home.

This is what happens when daddy and Aubrey play unsupervised.  Daddy wraps the slinky around Aubrey on purpose.  Pest. ;)

Little miss is still scooting all over the house army-style, but she pulls up on stuff (chairs, people, whatever) and wants to stand up.  She's been eating really well and is still liking every solid food she's tried.

Lookit my 2 little teefs!

-Keli