Friday, June 13, 2013

Sometimes I look down at Aubrey's sweet face when she's sleeping on my chest and I wonder how I got so blessed to be chosen as her mama.  I just marvel at her.  Yes, she frustrates me to tears on days when she doesn't want to eat; that always makes the fear of going back to the hospital rise up in my throat like bile.  You might think it's a big jump in reasoning to equate her not eating so well one day to her going back in the hospital, but not eating equals losing weight equals not thriving equals back to the hospital...and that is not something I can even think about.  And no, it's not completely rational for me to think that way when she's growing and beautiful and has chubby baby thighs, but since when is a mama bear totally rational when it comes to the health of her baby?

I say all that just to let everyone know that Aubrey isn't a perfect baby.  She is, however, pretty dang amazing.  How can one who is still so young and has been through so much be so happy?  Adam and I decided that she smiles with her whole body; if she had a tail, it would wag, and if she were a dog she would be a silly Labrador that knocks things off the coffee table with its flailing, joyful tail.  I was holding her the other day at work, rocking her and trying to get her to fall asleep.  I had my head leaned back on the chair and my eyes closed (I needed a nap too) when I felt her relax.  I peeped open an eye to see if she had fallen asleep, and she was looking back up at me with a goofy grin on her face. What could I do but laugh with her?

I love this baby.  Can you tell?

-Keli