I've told the story of the days surrounding Aubrey's birth to several people, so I figured I'd write it out in case anyone else wanted the details. :)
Thursday/Friday
Thursday October the 18th was a normal day. I was a day over 24 weeks
pregnant with our first baby, a girl who we called Ticket. Since our last
name is Stubbs, we thought it fit together pretty well as a nickname until we
decided on a "real" name and announced it when she was born.
Adam was off from work that day, and I had taken the day off to be with him
since he would be working all weekend. I had some weird stretching
feelings in my belly-region that evening, but nothing that hurt; it was just
uncomfortable. It felt like Ticket had her back against my belly and was pushing against my spine with her feet to stretch. I woke up during the night with some cramping...it was
painful now, but not any worse than a menstrual cramp. When I was still
having them the next morning, I decided to put a call into my doctor just in
case.
I went to work on Friday like usual, taking care of the birds at the
aviary. The doctor's office wasn't even open when I called...had to leave
a message with the answering service. A nurse called me back a couple of
hours later, but it wasn't my usual nurse; my doctor was out of town. The
doctor that was on call told me to come on in and get checked out since the
cramps hadn't stopped. I was at the office by 11:15 a.m., less than 30
minutes after she called me back. The doctor's eyes popped as she checked
me out, then she called both nurses over to take a look as well. Now I
was freaked out. She stood up and said, "you're 4 centimeters
dilated. You have to go to the hospital now."
This was not good. Those "cramps" I had been feeling were
contractions and I was in premature labor. I was 24 weeks pregnant.
Ticket needed to stay put for at least 12 more weeks, in my humble
opinion. I had an appointment the next Monday for my 25 week glucose
test. We were signed up for childbirth/labor/delivery classes in 3
weeks. This was too early for her, too early for us, too early for
everything. We weren't ready. More importantly, SHE wasn't ready.
My mom met me at the doctor's office, thanks to a divine appointment--she
headed that way before she even knew from me that anything was wrong. I
had been calling Adam for 20 minutes and hadn't gotten him yet--he was supposed
to start night shift Friday night and was sleeping during the day. I
finally got him and told him to meet me at the hospital. Mom arrived and
took me to Doctor's Hospital, where I was put flat on my back and hooked up to
an IV of magnesium sulfate, which was supposed to stop the labor. The mag
made me feel like my entire body was sunburned and I couldn't cool off.
The room temp went up to about 500 degrees in 30 seconds. It was
unreal. I was also given a shot of steroids--these were to help the
baby's lungs. The EMTs arrived and I was put in an ambulance and taken to
University Hospital--the doctor that checked me had already called the
specialist there, and they were waiting for me. Adam was waiting there
for me too--my nerves instantly calmed the second I saw him standing outside
the ambulance door.
We were taken to the third floor and put in a labor and delivery room.
Now it was a waiting game--the contractions were getting further apart and not
as painful, but they were still painfully obvious to me. I wanted them
gone. We needed more time, Ticket and I. She needed my protection
for at least 3 more weeks, according to a friend of the family who is a NICU
nurse. Three more weeks would buy us so much--lung development, weight,
heart and brain development, you name it. If we could only get the labor
to stop...we'd take 3 weeks, but we really prayed for 3 months. The hours
passed, midnight came and went with more magnesium and more hot flashes, but
still the contractions were there.
Saturday
Childbirth is a gory kind of thing, really. Yes, a beautiful new life
appears in the world at the end of the process, but the process itself is not
one made of butterflies flying through rainbows and unicorns pooping
glitter. There is blood involved, and mucus and tissues tearing and
cutting cords and pain. I was in physical pain as October 20th began; the
contractions were ever-present. Worse, though, was the mental and
emotional pain. Why was this happening? What had I done, or not
done, to make this happen? My mind wouldn't let me rest very much during those
long hours. I think Adam and I dozed for a few minutes a couple of times,
but basically I was terrified all night.
I could feel a contraction begin, and as it got intense I would feel a
little gush (gross, I know)...each time I would wonder if it was my water
breaking, and each time, my wonderful nurse, Kim, would check. It still
hadn't broken, and I was dozing a little before 3a.m. when one of my IV bags
emptied and the little alarm went off. Kim came in, changed the bag, and
right as she was getting done I felt a contraction begin, and then a pop and a
big gush. I knew my water had finally broken this time. Poor Adam
was finally sleeping, and my panicked cry woke him up. Kim confirmed that
was what happened and called the doctor. Dr. Ware had previously said
that sometimes when the water breaks it actually releases the pressure on the
cervix and causes it to close back down; she was hoping this would happen with
me. No such luck--she checked on the ultrasound to confirm loss of
fluids, then checked me vaginally..."There's a head. We're having a
baby."
Everything in the room went into overdrive. The doctor getting gloved
and gowned, equipment moving in and out, nurses prepping themselves and me, my
brain spinning at a thousand miles per hour. All I could do was stare at
Adam in horror while he tried to calm me down. Ticket and I were not
ready for this. Another contraction came along, and I felt a great need
to push...the nurse said "don't push yet!" so I tried not to. I
had no idea when to push or not push, how to breathe, or what to do in
general--our childbirth classes were going to be in 3 weeks. Adam was
just as lost as I was, but he kept his cool (on the outside, anyway) and
encouraged me through the process.
Adam had sent a text to all of our parents when my water broke. My mom
and dad made it back to the hospital and were in the room (behind the curtain)
throughout the delivery. It only took about 20 minutes and 3 or 4 good
pushes, and at 3:57 a.m. Aubrey Claudia Stubbs, formerly known as Ticket, came
skidding into the world. She let out 3 healthy cries, I laid eyes on her
for a few seconds, Adam cut the umbilical cord, wiping his streaming eyes the
entire time, and she was whisked away by a team of nurses.
I found out after the fact that my memories got a little fuzzy at this
point...apparently there was demerol involved. The doctor needed to give
me a few stitches, so she told Adam he could follow Aubrey and see where they
were taking her. He zoomed after her, as did everyone else. He and
mom stopped and looked at each other at the same time, she pointed back to where
I was, he nodded, and she came back to stay with me while Adam went with
Aubrey. I had to have a couple of stitches, and Dr. Ware did that pretty
quickly (and with basically no pain for me afterwards...she's good). I
don't recall everything that happened during this period--I think my brother
came in, and Adam's mom was there at some point, and after a while they got me
into a wheelchair and Adam pushed me into the NICU to see Aubrey.
She was already in her incubator (preemie condo, as I like to call it--a
$55,000 contraption that keeps the temperature and humidity steady and protects
her from infection), and painfully tiny...I just stared at her, crying the whole time. It
hurt me to see all those IVs going into her--two through her umbilical cord and
one into her hand--but what was really hurting me was the feeling that I had
failed her. It was my responsibility to keep her safe and carry her until
February, and I couldn't do that. No, it doesn't make sense for me to
feel that way since it was nothing I did that caused early labor, but the
feeling is still there.
We eventually had to leave her and went to our room where Adam and I were
able to take a short nap...we were both exhausted. The day passed with
people coming to visit and us making trips back and forth to the NICU.
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