Adam checked on our sweet pea early this morning since he was already awake. Her air tube came out of her belly sometime during the night (the tape came off of her chin...don't know if it just came off on its own or if she's guilty in this one), but they got it back in. She's doing well with her feedings--she gained 10 grams but is still at 1lb 13oz.
Since it's Thanksgiving week (holy cow, where did the year go??), I'm going to give thanks for something every day. Today I'm thankful that Aubrey was as healthy and strong as she was when she was born. Things could have been so much worse...sometimes 24 weekers don't survive. Her cry when she was born was the single most beautiful sound I've ever heard. We didn't have time to prep ourselves on what would be involved in having a premature baby...we didn't have enough time for anything. Aubrey didn't have enough time in utero, and that still breaks my heart. Will I ever not feel at least a little guilt about her being born so, so early? Will I ever stop feeling like I let her down, like I let everyone down--Adam, my parents, Adam's parents? This is Adam's dad's first grandbaby--I know he's already enamored of her (who wouldn't be?)--but I can't help but feel bad that things didn't go as they should have and that he hasn't been able to hold her and that he won't be able to for a while yet. I hear the well-meant words already: "but that will make it so much sweeter for everyone when they do finally get to hold her." Yes, I know, but it doesn't change the fact that she's stuck in her preemie condo for a couple more months. *sigh* Ok, how did this go from a thankful paragraph to a "pity party, table for one," paragraph? Sorry about that. My brain goes in circles these days. I really truly am thankful that Aubrey was born stronger and more feisty than anyone thought possible. She's our little miracle.
-Keli
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6:30p.m.
Aubrey did well early this afternoon when I sat with her for a while. The doctor said she had spit up some icky stuff from her stomach--her stomach is still making its usual amount of acid with no food to balance it out, so she's getting some maalox to help settle her tummy. Adam and I went back later and he got to hold her for a little bit...until she decided to get way too cozy and comfortable and have a nice episode. Poor Adam had to give her back to the nurses too soon...he was kinda bummed. She got settled down and we got to touch her and talk to her with her condo open for a little while. As we were getting ready to leave, Aubrey got mad...we aren't sure why, but she started to turn red and wave her arms and legs and she just cried and cried. Her heart rate went way up and I couldn't get her calmed down by talking to her, and I couldn't hold her. So I cried too. And I turn red when I cry. So we were definitely a pair. :( She calmed down eventually, but it was very, very hard to leave her.
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| Little foot on dad's hand |
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| holding mama's hand |
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