Thursday, November 8, 2012

Ok, so we're a little behind on updating...yesterday was busy. I tried staying at work longer (it sucked, but I did it) and Adam had to work too.  He got off late, so we had to run back to the hospital at 8p.m. so could see Aubrey for a few minutes.  The nurse that was there has taken care of her a lot, and we got to see her give Aubrey a bath. Aubrey, of course, was being her feisty self and fought the bath with an abundance of tiny rage.  She was not pleased about being doused in warm water and rubbed with soap and tried to push the nurse's hands away. :-)

I got to hold her earlier in the day yesterday.  Unlike the day before when I smiled the whole time, yesterday I cried. I was happy to hold her of course, but sometimes it just makes me overwhelmingly sad to know that she has to work so hard to grow and regulate all of her bodily functions. I'm still supposed to be doing that for her!  I know she won't remember any of this when she's older, but I will; it hurts me so much to know that she's struggling to breathe and to eat and to just be. 

8a.m.

Little miss had an ok night after we left her a little before 9p.m.  They've been having to turn her oxygen level up and down a lot (they call her a "dial-a-baby")--she can't seem to hit a happy medium with her oxygen saturation yet.  She weighed 1lb 10oz and is still getting 7ml of milk every 3 hours. I'm going to try to make myself stay at work until 1p.m. and hope I don't burst.

8p.m.

Made it to the NICU by 2:30.  Aubrey had one of her episodes earlier in the day where her heart rate and oxygen dropped and the they had to get her started up breathing again.  The doctor says that's going to happen every so often for a while, just because.  Adam made it to see her in between getting off work a little early and leaving again for SWAT training.  While he was there, the nurse let me hold Aubrey kangaroo-style; that means that I got to hold her skin to skin up against my chest!  She tucked her down inside my shirt and covered her with a blanket (after getting all her lines and cords untangled), and we both hunkered down in the rocking chair, happy as clams (or "happy as two peas in a rug," as Adam would say).  It felt SO good to have her against me...I think she liked it too because she went to sleep.  :) She had her eyes open a lot today, peeping around.  It felt like she would look right at me, even though I know she can't focus on anything yet.  Guess that's just me hoping.