Birth story--Keli's version

I've told the story of the days surrounding Aubrey's birth to several people, so I figured I'd write it out in case anyone else wanted the details. :)

Thursday/Friday

Thursday October the 18th was a normal day.  I was a day over 24 weeks pregnant with our first baby, a girl who we called Ticket.  Since our last name is Stubbs, we thought it fit together pretty well as a nickname until we decided on a "real" name and announced it when she was born.  Adam was off from work that day, and I had taken the day off to be with him since he would be working all weekend.  I had some weird stretching feelings in my belly-region that evening, but nothing that hurt; it was just uncomfortable.  It felt like Ticket had her back against my belly and was pushing against my spine with her feet to stretch.  I woke up during the night with some cramping...it was painful now, but not any worse than a menstrual cramp.  When I was still having them the next morning, I decided to put a call into my doctor just in case.

I went to work on Friday like usual, taking care of the birds at the aviary.  The doctor's office wasn't even open when I called...had to leave a message with the answering service.  A nurse called me back a couple of hours later, but it wasn't my usual nurse; my doctor was out of town.  The doctor that was on call told me to come on in and get checked out since the cramps hadn't stopped.  I was at the office by 11:15 a.m., less than 30 minutes after she called me back.  The doctor's eyes popped as she checked me out, then she called both nurses over to take a look as well.  Now I was freaked out.  She stood up and said, "you're 4 centimeters dilated.  You have to go to the hospital now."

This was not good.  Those "cramps" I had been feeling were contractions and I was in premature labor.  I was 24 weeks pregnant.  Ticket needed to stay put for at least 12 more weeks, in my humble opinion.  I had an appointment the next Monday for my 25 week glucose test.  We were signed up for childbirth/labor/delivery classes in 3 weeks.  This was too early for her, too early for us, too early for everything.  We weren't ready.  More importantly, SHE wasn't ready.

My mom met me at the doctor's office, thanks to a divine appointment--she headed that way before she even knew from me that anything was wrong.  I had been calling Adam for 20 minutes and hadn't gotten him yet--he was supposed to start night shift Friday night and was sleeping during the day.  I finally got him and told him to meet me at the hospital.  Mom arrived and took me to Doctor's Hospital, where I was put flat on my back and hooked up to an IV of magnesium sulfate, which was supposed to stop the labor.  The mag made me feel like my entire body was sunburned and I couldn't cool off.  The room temp went up to about 500 degrees in 30 seconds.  It was unreal.  I was also given a shot of steroids--these were to help the baby's lungs.  The EMTs arrived and I was put in an ambulance and taken to University Hospital--the doctor that checked me had already called the specialist there, and they were waiting for me.  Adam was waiting there for me too--my nerves instantly calmed the second I saw him standing outside the ambulance door.

We were taken to the third floor and put in a labor and delivery room.  Now it was a waiting game--the contractions were getting further apart and not as painful, but they were still painfully obvious to me.  I wanted them gone.  We needed more time, Ticket and I.  She needed my protection for at least 3 more weeks, according to a friend of the family who is a NICU nurse.  Three more weeks would buy us so much--lung development, weight, heart and brain development, you name it.  If we could only get the labor to stop...we'd take 3 weeks, but we really prayed for 3 months.  The hours passed, midnight came and went with more magnesium and more hot flashes, but still the contractions were there.

Saturday

Childbirth is a gory kind of thing, really.  Yes, a beautiful new life appears in the world at the end of the process, but the process itself is not one made of butterflies flying through rainbows and unicorns pooping glitter.  There is blood involved, and mucus and tissues tearing and cutting cords and pain.  I was in physical pain as October 20th began; the contractions were ever-present.  Worse, though, was the mental and emotional pain.  Why was this happening?  What had I done, or not done, to make this happen? My mind wouldn't let me rest very much during those long hours.  I think Adam and I dozed for a few minutes a couple of times, but basically I was terrified all night.

I could feel a contraction begin, and as it got intense I would feel a little gush (gross, I know)...each time I would wonder if it was my water breaking, and each time, my wonderful nurse, Kim, would check.  It still hadn't broken, and I was dozing a little before 3a.m. when one of my IV bags emptied and the little alarm went off.  Kim came in, changed the bag, and right as she was getting done I felt a contraction begin, and then a pop and a big gush.  I knew my water had finally broken this time.  Poor Adam was finally sleeping, and my panicked cry woke him up.  Kim confirmed that was what happened and called the doctor.  Dr. Ware had previously said that sometimes when the water breaks it actually releases the pressure on the cervix and causes it to close back down; she was hoping this would happen with me.  No such luck--she checked on the ultrasound to confirm loss of fluids, then checked me vaginally..."There's a head.  We're having a baby."

Everything in the room went into overdrive.  The doctor getting gloved and gowned, equipment moving in and out, nurses prepping themselves and me, my brain spinning at a thousand miles per hour.  All I could do was stare at Adam in horror while he tried to calm me down.  Ticket and I were not ready for this.  Another contraction came along, and I felt a great need to push...the nurse said "don't push yet!" so I tried not to.  I had no idea when to push or not push, how to breathe, or what to do in general--our childbirth classes were going to be in 3 weeks.  Adam was just as lost as I was, but he kept his cool (on the outside, anyway) and encouraged me through the process.

Adam had sent a text to all of our parents when my water broke.  My mom and dad made it back to the hospital and were in the room (behind the curtain) throughout the delivery.  It only took about 20 minutes and 3 or 4 good pushes, and at 3:57 a.m. Aubrey Claudia Stubbs, formerly known as Ticket, came skidding into the world.  She let out 3 healthy cries, I laid eyes on her for a few seconds, Adam cut the umbilical cord, wiping his streaming eyes the entire time, and she was whisked away by a team of nurses.

I found out after the fact that my memories got a little fuzzy at this point...apparently there was demerol involved.  The doctor needed to give me a few stitches, so she told Adam he could follow Aubrey and see where they were taking her.  He zoomed after her, as did everyone else.  He and mom stopped and looked at each other at the same time, she pointed back to where I was, he nodded, and she came back to stay with me while Adam went with Aubrey. I had to have a couple of stitches, and Dr. Ware did that pretty quickly (and with basically no pain for me afterwards...she's good).  I don't recall everything that happened during this period--I think my brother came in, and Adam's mom was there at some point, and after a while they got me into a wheelchair and Adam pushed me into the NICU to see Aubrey.

She was already in her incubator (preemie condo, as I like to call it--a $55,000 contraption that keeps the temperature and humidity steady and protects her from infection), and painfully tiny...I just stared at her, crying the whole time.  It hurt me to see all those IVs going into her--two through her umbilical cord and one into her hand--but what was really hurting me was the feeling that I had failed her.  It was my responsibility to keep her safe and carry her until February, and I couldn't do that.  No, it doesn't make sense for me to feel that way since it was nothing I did that caused early labor, but the feeling is still there.

We eventually had to leave her and went to our room where Adam and I were able to take a short nap...we were both exhausted.  The day passed with people coming to visit and us making trips back and forth to the NICU.